I was born nine days before Christmas. Maybe that’s why the twinkle of the lights on mama’s tree look just like the shine in my eye whenever the calendar flips over after Thanksgiving. Daddy always said winter was my season, that I blossom. So you can imagine Christmas morning- us three siblings cross legged around the tree, picking out who got the most gifts while crisping bacon smells up the house, me in full bloom. There’s something magical about how the home comes alive when the world finally closes shop. And as sacred as the family isolation is, my Christmas was never complete without that moment when the festivity settled enough for you to light up my phone, from where ever you are, wishing me a Merry Christmas.
Author: J
Among all the other things in my life, there's me. J. And these are my words.
Before hitting send
I told a friend what I was doing
So they could pick up the pieces
When I inevitably fell apart.
They asked me why I’d bother…
And I said-
I can’t help but want to dance in the flame
Maybe I’m just a sucker for pain
Today
Almost do
Turned into definitely did.
Going in,
I thought I’d regret it
And it a tiny way, I do.
But in a million zillion ways,
I don’t.
Like it was yesterday
The clock moves forward.
But I’m still sitting here
In the same spot
Watching it tick.
Seems time doesn’t change anything after all.
Dessert
Whipping it up
Till those soft peaks rise
Your pillowy softness
A feast for my eyes
Dip a finger in
Cause baby I can’t wait
Been on my mind
Craving you all day
Almost done now
So good I forget my name
No better time than when
Eating that sweet lemon meringue
Temps
Some people warm you
All the way down to the marrow
To the very core of your DNA
Then there are some
That burn like frostbite
Leaving you numb
Your soul black and blue
And there is this scary moment
When you first meet someone
Of wondering which of the two
They will be
Baby it’s cold outside
My heart’s a’tingle
With joy that comes from jingle
I love December
Perhaps worst haiku ever but IT’S DECEMBER FIRST AND I’M SO EXCITED!!! Xoxo, J
Entry 11/19
Dear diary,
Lately (okay fine, for months really) I’ve been doing this thing where i reach out to him in my mind. I tease memories and try to relive that last moment, just to see if I still feel anything. And though I want it over, though I want him completely purged from my skin, it still surprises me when I feel nothing. Nothing. Where the pain or even the once joy should be, there’s a void…like he never existed at all.
It’s not that some twisted part of me still wants to find him. No, I want his place in me to stay vacated. It’s more that I keep visiting the spot to make sure he stays gone. I keep fearing that he’ll sneak back undetected and stab my mind and my soul when I’m not looking.
And today, he finally did.
It wasn’t because I stopped looking. I’d been standing guard with weapons on my tongue ever since the cool weather crept in with October. But I never expected the bastard to come at me through a friend.
Naturally, I ran…pushed away, blamed. A friend doesn’t deserve that. My head knows this. But my heart is a different matter. It’s taken this long to be okay. I don’t want to let a single bit back in, even if it is just a ghost of memories passed on the face of someone I love.
Dear diary, what do I do?
Love,
Me.
Haunted
Expected or not, thou wert torn open
As clouds relinquish their rain
To expel that beast that would devour
If left tightly contained
10 word story (#1)
My nose keeps running, like you when love gets hard.
Among other things, J 